That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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