You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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