Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
