We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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