Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Randomize
