waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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