He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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