Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Randomize
