WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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