I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
