just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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