Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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