New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
