How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
