I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
