Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
There r osticjed everywhere
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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