everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
