Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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