the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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