I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
i out mim tonsoeep
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