508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
