i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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