He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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