if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
