yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
