I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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