I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
