adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
