I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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