But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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