3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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