A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
