I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
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