SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
