Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
