I wish my penis had an off switch
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
