he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
