Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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