Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
