I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
