So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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