oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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