So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
it was like his penis was on wheels.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
