So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
