He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
