He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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