She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
