he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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