The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
