I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
