am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
