Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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