Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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