Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
