I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
