You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
