you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
