I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
